RWBY Volume 2 (But It's Written By Shippers)
by Constable Paperbag
Summary: I like to bully everyone.


**Prepare to believe.**

* * *

Magic and romantic subtext was in the air tonight.

The Beacon Ball was shaping up to be a beautiful event. Students from around the world had assembled to meet their fellow brothers and sisters-in-arms to dance the night away and have a grand ol' time doing it. Jaune wore a dress, Blake decided to socialise, Ruby danced in heels. Tonight was full of many wonderful twists and turns. Nothing bad was sure to happen on this perfect night.

Ozpin stood up to the microphone and cleared his throat. "It pleases me to see you all having a good time," he said. "Now then, it's time to move on to the second part of the night - the results of this year's Best Couple competition."

The crowd murmured excitedly. The Best Couple competition was a yearly event within the top four hunting academies that determined which two students had the best romantic relationship. Everyone was paying attention. The dancing was all well and good, but this was what the night had been leading up to. This is what their ancestors had died fighting for in the Great War.

Because when it came to Remnant, romance was everything.

A faunus slave came up to Ozpin with a gold envelope. She was then sent back to the cellar where she would continue to work her humiliating and dangerous job that paid in dog treats. Everyone's eyes were glued to the envelope. In it contained the names of the winning couple.

"Oooh, who's it gonna be?"

"I'm so excited."

"Glory to beautiful people!"

Mutterings of anticipation rang in the air. Everyone huddled around the stage with their necks craned and their eyes wide like meerkats on crack. The tension was thicker than Nora.

"The people have spoken," Ozpin announced, carefully opening the envelope. "The winner of this year's Best Couple is-"

"Weiss and Ruby!"

A shrill voice screamed from somewhere in the hall. Everyone turned their heads to see where that outburst had come from. No one had ever interrupted the Best Couple announcement before. To do such a daring thing was unthinkable. Even the Grimm had limits.

Standing at the back was a Beacon student called Claire Goodchild. Attractive, but forgettable. It was unlikely anybody voted for her. She was glaring at Ozpin with furious intent.

"Excuse me, Ms Goodchild?" Ozpin asked.

"Weiss and Ruby deserve to win!" Claire roared. "Just look at the two of them!" She pointed at Ruby and Weiss. "Look how adorable they are together! They're perfect for each other. Just give them the award you senile old fart!"

Much like Roman Torchwick's mute accomplice, Ozpin was at a loss for words. "Ms Goodchild, I don't see-"

"That's a lie!" Robert Badchild from Haven Academy screamed. "The best couple is Jaune and Pyrrha! I mean, come on! Jaune wore a freaking dress tonight for Pyrrha! If anyone deserves it, it's them!"

"Fuck you, Jaune and Pyrrha have nothing on Weiss and Ruby!"

Ozpin tried bringing the argument to a close. "Could everyone please be quiet-?"

"Ren and Nora are best couple!" Duncan Mediocrechild. He wasn't from any of the academies, he just walked in when he saw flashing lights coming from inside. "They're childhood friends! Together forever! If they don't win, I'm gonna fucking kill myself!"

This was getting ridiculous. The results for Best Couple were already in and these three simpletons were getting in the way. Ozpin banged his cane against the ground like an angry old man.

"Order! Order!" Ozpin shouted. "If you three don't simmer down, I'll have you sent out!" The three of them immediately went silent. Not even they wanted to miss such an important event. "Good. Now then, if I could have some peace and quiet, I'd like to announce-"

"Just hurry up and say Blake and Yang already!" someone else shouted. "We all know they're gonna win!"

Oh for the love of…

"What? Screw you, that relationship is trash! Blake and Sun all the way!"

"Ruby and Jaune for best couple!"

"I want Weiss and Yang to win!"

"Weiss and Blake forever!"

Like how a delicate flame becomes a mighty forest fire, soon the whole crowd erupted with protests and demands. Everyone had their own idea as to who the best couple was and made it known with loud voices and harsh language. Brother turned on brother, teammates became enemies. The entire room was in chaos as the students let loose their dangerous opinions so brazenly.

Ozpin stood watching the chaos unfurl. He had to put a stop to this madness. He screamed into the microphone much like how he did in one of his lifetimes when he was a heavy metal singer. The students ceased their verbal conflict and looked at him again.

"Children, please get a hold of yourselves," he pleaded. "I understand that the Best Couple ceremony is an important event we all hold dear to our hearts. But can we please try and resolve this in a civilised manner? There's no reason for us to fight in the name of romance. Why not end tonight on a peaceful note?"

Murmurs echoed in the hall. Confused faces were plastered on every students' face. 'Peace' and 'civil' were words they looked like they didn't understand the meaning of. Then again, these were teenage hunters. The possibility of that being true was likely.

"The professor is right," Sandy Oohchild said. "If we want this resolved, we have to kill each other. The last person standing will decide who wins."

Mutterings of agreement spread through the crowd. Some were already pulling out their weapons. Ruby was loading a magazine into Crescent Rose's chamber.

Ozpin's eyes widened in horror. "Wait, no, that's not what I-!"

"It's decided! Only through bloodshed can we end this conflict! Those who worship the false couple will be unfavoured by the Gods and die for their heresy!"

The fiery hand of war tightened its grip on the hearts of the students. Everyone was ready to butcher each other all in the name of love. It reminded Ozpin of his own relationship with Salem. He would've felt nostalgic if he wasn't dreading the mess and paperwork that would come with a bunch of dead students.

"Children, please!" he begged, trying to defuse the situation as peacefully as possible.

His words were like an ejector seat on a helicopter: completely useless. Democracy was lost on these young savages. Ms Xiao Long's promise of 'tearing up the dance floor' was about to become a reality.

"To the death!" Weiss roared in a bloodcurdling voice.

"To the death!" her barbaric brethren roared back.

And then the hounds were released from their chains.

Teams and friends fell apart as they jumped on each other. They bit, they stabbed, they tickled. It was a cavalcade of carnage. The fighting was so vicious it made the God of Darkness say, "Dayum, son!"

It was madness. Pure bloody madness. Students were being crucified, one was fighting despite losing all his limbs, the leader of Team SSSN had already eaten his entire team. If someone were to film all this mayhem, it would surely win the academy award for Best Documentary. Alas, they were supposed to be celebrating the Best Couple competition. And now they'd never know the result. What a tragedy.

"You're gonna die for pairing Ren and Yang together, Blakey!" Nora bellowed, charging at Blake with her hammer.

"You're just pissy because I don't pair your ugly mug with anyone!" Blake yelled back.

Ozpin was transfixed as he watched the next generation of heroes beat each other to death with weapons, fists, and the occasional body pillow. Glynda was so cleaning up this mess! In the meantime, he had to skedaddle, lest he be caught in the crossfire.

He went to retreat to his office but then a spear suddenly hit him in the chest, nailing him to the wall like a violent game of pin the tail on the donkey. He coughed up blood as his life left him for the gazillionth time now.

Pyrrha walked up to him, animalistic fury in her eyes. "That's what you get for getting in between Goodwitch and Ironwood!" she snapped.

Ozpin closed his eyes as death claimed him. All was fair in love and war, except for all those caught in the middle of it all.

[/]

Despite the CCT Tower being one of the most important buildings in Vale, it was surprisingly lax with security. Those useless soldiers couldn't guard a piggy bank, let alone a whole building. Breaking into it was like taking candy from a baby, something which Cinder had done many times. She also popped balloons, cut in front of lines, and never missed an opportunity to tell some kid that Santa wasn't real.

Being evil was fun.

Having successfully uploaded her virus into the network, it was time for her to leave. The night was still young. She might as well enjoy the party while it was still going on. She walked out of the tower and made her stealth attire transform into a stylish black dress.

She pulled out her scroll and rang Emerald. "It's done. I'm heading back now," she said. "If anyone asks where I've been, use the excuse we rehearsed."

" _Uh, I don't think we need to worry about that anymore, ma'am,"_ Emerald said on the other end.

"What do you mean?" she asked, heading towards the door.

Her question was answered when she entered the hall. Good Gods, it was like Salem's backyard inside! Rows of dead bodies littered the floor like bloody dominoes. It looked like a bomb had gone off in there. It was enough to surprise even someone like her, and Cinder had seen some serious shit. You don't go to the Grimmlands and come back acting like a happy-go-lucky cherub.

Emerald and Mercury were standing with dumbfounded expressions. They didn't appear to be harmed in this bizarre conflict, which was a small blessing.

"What the hell happened in here?" Cinder gasped.

"It was crazy," Mercury muttered. "Ozpin was about to announce the winners of the Best Couple award, and then they just went wild. Me and Emerald barely got out alive."

Now that he mentioned it, Cinder could see that even Ozpin himself was dead, impaled to the wall by what looked to be Pyrrha Nikos' spear. Well, at least Salem would be happy with that one.

But then her eyes widened. "Wait a minute! What did you say?" she said quickly.

"We barely got out alive?"

"Before that!"

"Uh, this all happened because Ozpin mentioned the Best Couple competition."

Cinder's body went cold, the first time it had done that since obtaining part of Amber's powers. The Best Couple competition? Oh no…

Oh Gods, no…

A groan came from within one of the piles of bodies. The bodies rolled away as a blond boy wearing a dress for some reason emerged. His hair was matted with blood and his body twitched in a way that sent chills up her spine. He lumbered his way towards them like a zombie.

His eyes, rich with madness, darted back and forth between her two subordinates. "Mercury… and Emerald," he wheezed like a man possessed. "Those two… best pairing. They deserve to win. They belong together. Yes… yes…"

Cinder had heard enough. With a flick of her wrist, she hurled a fireball so large at the boy that not even ash would be left of him when it was done incinerating him. He died not with a scream, but with a demented giggle for his beloved pairing. Cinder watched him burn without blinking.

"Ma'am?" Emerald asked. "What's going on here?"

"Burn this place to the ground," Cinder whispered, her voice devoid of any emotion.

"Right now? But what about the Fall Maiden?"

"She no longer matters. We must destroy this place and return to Salem. And we must never, _never_ , look back."

Her subordinates obeyed without question. Beacon was destroyed by her hands that night, but its heart was already rotten long before she had arrived. She didn't say a word as they departed for Salem's fortress soon after. This was the first time Cinder had looked vulnerable in front of them. It would also be the last.

"I don't understand," Emerald muttered as they were flying in the bullhead. "How could such a silly competition turn out this way?"

"It's human nature, Emerald dear," Cinder said solemnly. "Many believe that anger is the emotion that betrays the mind and corrupts the heart. In a lot of cases, however, it is usually romance that wars are started over."

"You speak like you're an expert."

"I should think I am. After all, this isn't the first Best Couple competition I've borne witness to."

Emerald was shocked. "Really? What was it like? Tell me everything."

Cinder sucked in a deep breath. Even now as powerful as she was, she didn't like recalling such horrific events. But she despised any sort of weakness, so she swallowed her fear and spoke. "Well, it all started when


End file.
